Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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