I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
