ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He has the fingertips of a God
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