I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
