But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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