Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
