I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
