I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
