I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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