bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
