I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
