Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
