come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
