I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
