I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
