And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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