whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You need a sexual gate keeper
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
