ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you had me at cake vodka
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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