OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
