someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
