Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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