Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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