Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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