She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
a search helicopter?!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
