she woke up with a sticky ear
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
