don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
