help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
