Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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