Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You made out with two different species that night
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
