shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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