Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
