It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
