Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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