whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
