So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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