I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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