we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
