I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
