thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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