he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
