Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
