dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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