yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
