nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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