Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Please don't give away my fajitas
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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