They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
