I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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