READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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