the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
