And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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