i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
