No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
