i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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