You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We smell like vodka and hangover
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