the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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