I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
