Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
