3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
