question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize