I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
