Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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