Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
