So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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