Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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