If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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