I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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