dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
