we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize