ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
