is your mom at the bar?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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