You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My vagina just recognized that song.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
