New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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