ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
