I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
