We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
