Me. At least after what I've been through.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
