he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
