think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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