I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
