Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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